[This post is the first one in a 2-post series.]
Mental Load
My wonderful friend Rachel sent me a great article analyzing mental load, which I wanted to share with you. But, I think it doesn’t explain the basic concept well enough. So first I’ll share the French comic that went viral in 2017 and is my favorite explanation of mental load, and how it affects stress and burnout for women.
After you read it, I’d love it if you comment/reply and let me know if you manage to fairly share mental load in your household or not!
To read the comic, scroll down past a couple of yellow book ads, until you reach a handwritten title, “You should’ve asked.” The cartoon begins after that title.
If you’re familiar with Emma’s work already, keep an eye out for next week’s post, I think you’d find it interesting!
For more information on mental load, check out this NYT article.
The comic was amazing, Shlomit. I think every man needs to read this so we can better level the playing field for men and women at home. I also wonder what the health effects of carrying such mental load is. Do you have any research around that you could share?
Sure! I’ll put that together. Sounds like another post!
Spot on and well-illustrated. Mental Load, yup many people will resonate with this!
I can definitely relate to the concept of mental load.
Thanks for the reminder. Like Angie mentioned, our household is a complex situation. All I can do is try harder and I do and will.
We could all do better. Our lives are so complex, especially this year. I find that at our household, things are very context- or situation-depenedent in terms of who does more. Next week’s post breaks down mental load really well, and makes it easier to communicate needs and collaborate more effectively.
Sigh. I feel exhausted just realizing how true the concept of mental load is. I need a nap…
You know I’m all for naps! 🙂
This is an awesome comic – thank you! I’m going to show it to my husband…and not for the reasons you may think…I’ve been needing to remind him to ask for help. Somehow, in all his generous support of me, our roles have become unbalanced and it’s because I do expect him to tell me when he needs help. So thank you for this – I’m going to rethink what are our “mental loads”?
Excellent! Roles can be reversed, of course! Definitely check out next week’s post, it’s really useful to break down mental load and do a better job at sharing and supporting one another.
WOWZA! I related to so much of that comic, but am happy to say that my husband luckily does step up before I ask and so my mental load is not as big as it could be!
OMG, I did laugh but I laughed because it’s true. My husband does his fare share, including most of the cooking BUT there is a whole category of things that he doesn’t even think about (scheduling doctor appointments, getting to the doctor appointments, deciding when we should eat, etc.) I could go on but I won’t. I’ll wait for part two. Appreciate the invitation to explore this work.
Wow – and here I am telling myself that my solution is to just ask for what I need more often. This cartoon will help me refine and communicate my ask. And WOW! Blindsided by the epic truth I’ve been living!
Yup. This is so common, yet so implicit… we don’t even notice that it’s happening.
Shlomit, this comic really resonates (and I have a partner who is really a partner!) I also think it’s important to reckon with the variable that some women want to have their finger on the pulse of what happens in the house, and have a hard time letting go of some of these areas. It’s a complex situation.
Smiling here – so recognizable
trying to do it all – and then ending up with ‘the mess’
There’s so much in ‘just ask’
Not only to get help, but also to learn / receive valuable feedback
We don’t ask enough. Lesson learned
My partner is wonderful, and still!! But wait till next week’s post. They break mental load down to 4 specific parts, and that should make it easier to pinpoint the problem and share responsibility better. You’ll find it useful, I’m sure!