The lowdown on burnout, in 50 or 7 minutes

Below: a podcast recommendation OR a great overview, saving you about 40 minutes…

A recent “Tilted” podcast episode focused on burnout, featuring Arianna Huffington and Emily Nagoski. 

I highly recommend listening to the episode in full, but if you don’t have the time, here is a quick list of gems.

• The Huffington interview is 22 minutes long. My summary is a 3 minute read.
• The Nagoski interview is 27 minutes long. My summary is a 4 minute read.

(Know who they are? Skip the intro!)

Arianna Huffington is the founder of Huffington Post and Thrive Global, and best-selling author of 15 books, including The Sleep Revolution and Thrive. As a co-founder and single mother with a hero mentality, Arianna Huffington was essentially burned out most of her professional life, until 2007. At that time, she physically collapsed, woke up in a pool of blood, and was forced to change her lifestyle. She started promoting sleep hygiene and better habits in the Huffington Post. In 2016, she decided to help people more from awareness to action, and built Thrive. 

Emily Nagoski and her identical twin sister Amelia wrote the bestselling Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Code. Emily has a MS in counseling and a PhD in health behavior, both from Indiana University. Amelia Nagoski holds a conductor with a DMA in conducting from the University of Connecticut, and is an assistant professor and coordinator of music at Western New England University. They co-wrote the book after Amelia was hospitalized twice as a result of burnout, and Emily helped her recover.

Why burnout?

“Tilted” – the Lean In organization’s podcast – is one of my favorites. It explores topics at the intersection of gender and society, to help listeners “make the playing field a little less tilted”. Yes!

Lean In surveyed thousands of people about their experiences during COVID-19. They found that women are shouldering a heavier workload, and showing more signs of burnout than men. Women are twice as likely to have symptoms of severe anxiety, and far more likely to say they have more to do than they can handle. 

This episode focuses on how to recognize burnout and what to do if you’re starting to feel it.

The World Health Organization (WHO) defines burnout as a syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress. 

• Early symptoms to notice include: beginning to feel more negative feelings about work, feeling more cynical, more anxious, less engaged. 
• Full-on burnout symptoms include: depression, anxiety and health problems.

Notice, though, that like the WHO, Arianna Huffington focuses only on the work aspects, but I find that home responsibilities and relationships fall exactly under the same categorization. This is something that the Nagoski sisters’ book treats more holistically.

Arianna Huffington interview summary:

• Stress is an unavoidable part of life. The problem with burnout is that it’s cumulative stress, which begins to affect the body.
• For evolutionary reasons, when we are not actively engaged, the default position for human beings is negative. We have negative thoughts, we worry about the future or ruminate about the past. In the savanna, looking for predators saved our lives. Today, we still constantly worry, even though it’s no longer life-saving, quite the contrary.
• To change, choose “microsteps” too small to fail (see my posts on microscopic changes and Kaizen)
• Gratitude is the antidote to anxiety.
• Most people start their day by looking at their phone. Take 60 seconds to be grateful before you look at your phone, and set your intention for the day.
• If you can’t spare 1 minute, stack this habit onto an existing one, and think of 3 things you are grateful for when you brush your teeth.
• Say affirmations in the shower, as you’re washing your hair.
• (Arianna stresses that this is all science-based, even though it sounds warm and fuzzy…)

Rachel, the interviewer, asked Arianna to elaborate on one of her boldest statements: 

In order to close the gender gap at work, we need to get rid of our burnout culture. 

So true! I have definitely felt this myself when I was working in corporates. Here’s how she explains it:

• • Most corporate cultures are fueled by burnout, encouraging people to work very long hours, at the expense of other priorities.
  • Women pay a disproportionate price for this, as stress and burnout have a higher effect on women.
  • Additionally, women still carry the “mind load” at home, even in the most egalitarian households. (Usually referred to as “mental load”, made ubiquitous by French caricaturist Emma in this famous comic – make sure to scroll down)

• What could organizations do?

• • Mindset shift required! The wellbeing of employees and the wellbeing of the company are connected. It’s not just about snacks and a ping-pong table. 
  • When you take care of yourself, you’re a better and more effective employee.
  • Model this from top-down.
  • Promote “Thrive Time” for people to recharge after periods of great stress. Research shows people are less sick as a result.
  • Institute an “Entry Interview”. Your first question when onboarding someone should be, “What’s important to you outside or work? How can we support you?”
  • Encourage an accountability buddy, preferably on your team, to support that priority. Strengthens the employee and the team.
  • Encourage employees to express their concerns directly, so nothing festers.
  • You can’t have a thriving corporate culture if you don’t have inclusivity. 
  • Eliminating the global epidemic of burnout is going to accelerate inclusivity and belonging.
  • Belonging is key, because when we are burned out, we become the worst version of ourselves: less empathetic, less creative, more reactive. 

Emily Nagoski interview summary:

• • The care for burnout cannot be self-care. It has to be all of us caring for each other, because when you’re burned out, you don’t have the wherewithal for self-care, that’s the whole problem…
  • The definition of burnout in the book is: the feeling of being overwhelmed and exhausted by everything you have to do, while still worrying you’re not doing enough.
  • Manage stressors in your life by being realistic about what your goals are.
  • Some of our goals have been internalized from others. Ask yourself, is this really the goal you want to have? If so, is this really the effort you want to invest?
  • Our notion of what it means we are enough is skewed. We’re all holding on to the idea that we need to be superwomen, which makes it really difficult to ask for help, because it feels like failure.

• Stress vs. Stressors: The stressors activate stress in the body. Stressors are job, family, the future, etc. They activate the stress response in the body, which is the release of adrenaline, cortisol, etc.

• The stress response (aka Fight, Flight or Freeze) is supposed to help us when chased by a lion. In the past, when we ran from the lion and survived, we felt good and relaxed, and there was a surge of feel-good hormones, completing the stress cycle. Today, when we’re stuck in traffic, we have the same chemical stress response, but when we get home, we’re still upset. 
• Managing stress effectively has to do with differentiating between what you do to deal with the stressors and how you deal with the stress itself. We have to create intentional structures in our life to complete the stress response cycle. You’ll feel safe inside your body again.
• There’s a whole list. Some may sound trite, but all are scientifically proven and they work:
  • Exercise
  • Some people naturally release stress through exercise, but if exercise doesn’t make you feel emotionally good, use imagination to fight, take revenge on your stressor, or whatever makes you feel better. Imagination works either during exercise or on its own.
  • Crying (see my post on this)
  • Laughter, usually in connection with other people
  • Sleep, especially REM sleep
  • Creative self expression
  • Hugging or kissing, long enough to relax and feel protected
  • Conversations, even a tiny “Hi, how are you?” or eye contact and smile with strangers. This makes us feel the world is a safe place.
  • Connection with Nature
  • Connection with pets
• There are times when it’s just not possible to get enough sleep, exercise, spend time in nature, etc. In those times, we don’t need more grit. We need more help. If there is literally too much time on your plate, you need someone to take stuff off your plate.
• It is sometimes very difficult to ask for help. But the science unequivocally shows that the answer is love, sharing, connection.
• If you don’t have people like that in your life, you can create new relationships with people who are to fall into trust with you.
• You may need to do some emotional work for the person you’re asking for help. Be concrete and specific and start with something small. The important thing is that this request can open up a conversation about feelings around asking for help and receiving help.
• Emily makes a point that there’s an imbalance in heterosexual relationships, described in the book as Human Giver Syndrome, that women are expected to give and support (and look pretty while doing it) while men feel comfortable being and receiving (Human Being). 
• Additionally, there’s a notion that masculinity means knowing everything, so when a woman asks her male partner for help, he has already failed, because he didn’t know. This can make men defensive, and the conversation and transformation can take time. (I’m not sure I agree, but it’s an interesting point of view.)
• Another interesting comment was that Emily used to feel the gratitude practices were weaponized against women, leading them to feel they should be grateful for what they have and not ask for more. She says that making lists reminding herself to be grateful for having a roof over her head made her feel like a total jerk. What did work (and the research supports this) are the following two versions:
  • Be grateful for who you have in your life. Write a letter to that person. Thank them. If you can, read it to that person.
  • How good things happen, what are the circumstances that gave you the things you’re grateful for.
• Meaning and purpose, not surprisingly, help sustain you through difficulty. The key, however, is that they are created when you actively connect to something greater than yourself, whatever that may be for you. Meaning doesn’t come to you as a prize, you make it every day by engaging with it.

I hope you found this summary useful and thought provoking!