Are you lucky enough to be in a COVID-pod with your best friend? Or your sister? Does she live next door?
If you live with a spouse, roommate or immediate family, they usually provide both support and stress… The people you live with probably have the most influence on your wellbeing, but they’re not the only ones. So, not including them: do you physically share your daily life with the people who support you the most?
I’m not that lucky.
My best friend moved to another city several years ago, and since then we haven’t been able to meet as much as we’d like. Some of my friends moved abroad. Some are so busy that it’s hard to schedule any time with them.
But here’s my recent trick – find something that you both struggle to do, and do it together, while talking on the phone.
Walks outside are best. Nature, fresh air, your friend in your ear. Dishwashing works, too. Folding laundry. Gardening. Driving.
You can make any task more enjoyable with a friend in your ear, as long as it doesn’t need profound decision making.
For example, sorting my closet wouldn’t work well for me. I need focus and energy to make decisions. Even decisions as small as “can I keep my favorite shirt even though it has a stain on it?” take away from my ability to enjoy the conversation.
Working out or doing chores “with my friends” is also a great way to enhance your habits, because it takes advantage of a technique called Temptation Bundling.
Good habits (and good friends) can reduce overwhelm
In his excellent book “Atomic Habits”, James Clear explains that we need to make our good habits attractive, because it’s the expectation of a rewarding experience that motivates us to act.
You’re more likely to find a behavior attractive if you get to do one of your favorite things at the same time.
Watching TV while working out (for some people – only when working out) is an obvious example. Also TV+folding laundry. But I highly recommend the friend-on-the-phone option, because it’s much more rewarding and fulfilling than yet another episode!
The one caveat I must admit to, though, is that this choice creates a challenge you won’t face with Netflix: aligning schedules!
It’s a tough one. From my experience, scheduling workout routines together is the easiest. My long drives are recurring and can be easily scheduled, too. All the others I do ad-hoc.
My challenge for this coming week: align a new task with a friend, preferably a recurring one!
Want to take on the challenge as well? Let me know how it worked out, and if you have any scheduling or other tips!
I love the idea of rewarding myself. Nice post, Shlomit!
One of the podcasters I listen to talks about how he saves his favorite podcasts for things that are frustrating for him. I like this idea better. Thanks for the tip.
I also use podcasts intentionally at specific times, but a converstation is usually more uplifting! (even more than Gladwell… 😉 )
I Zoom weekly with my Mom and have recently asked if we can do a phone call so I can clean the kitchen. It’s the #1 visual stressor in my life. Now I LOOK forward to it! Temptation Bundling in action!!!
You’re a star!!!
I have been walking with friends and that has helped a lot. Like others, it has been that intentional but I like the idea that this is another strategy I can use to get me to do those things I don’t like doing 🙂
Let me know where else it worked for you!
Yes! This is such a great idea. I think we all know this intuitively but to deliberately schedule time with someone else to do something difficult makes a big difference. Personally, I love the walk-and-talk chats with my friends. Not only do I get to catch-up – I also get some solid exercise time in there as well.
Yup, same here. Those are the best, and easiest to schedule.
When my schedule is more flexible, I try to plan annoying tasks for times that work best for my friends.
This is a great idea, Shomit! I do it randomly, but will schedule it in more intentionally.
Let me know what worked best!!
I just realized that I did a major cleanup of my cat’s litterbox this morning all by myself and felt quite bitter about it. 😀 It could have been so much nicer if I had planned a call to go with it!
One of my busiest friends will often call me with her bluetooth on during her long commute! I feel grateful to have that time with her and we can better maintain our friendship from afar. Great advice!
I remember you suggested that I schedule hikes when I can find a friend who lives far away could schedule at the same time so we could talk and walk. Love that! I also work out with my sweat sisters every day at 6am. Definitely would not show up so consistently for the last 11 months (!!!) if it weren’t for them.
11 months and counting!! You sweat sisters are amazing.
My favorite activity with clients is to have our meetings while going for a walk. Anything to not be sitting for the 10th hour in front of a computer screen!
YES!! Walking meetings worked when we were all in the same space, and are now even more of a necessity! There’s solid research about them increasing creative output by 60%:
https://innovationmanagement.se/2019/06/07/7-effective-ways-to-rock-walking-meetings/
https://hbr.org/2015/08/how-to-do-walking-meetings-right
Great idea! I love the idea of rewarding myself for laundry or cleaning by talking to my sister while I do it!