When it comes to achievement and productivity, I used to be a glass half empty person. In the past (ok, and still sometimes today, too…) I’d always look at everything that I wanted to complete but didn’t. I’d rarely be happy with what I had achieved.
My burnout recovery journey is heavily linked with changing this mindset. One of the most important – yet most ignored – keys to change is celebration.
There is a ton of research on how well we respond to positive reinforcement (also used in gaming and marketing, not always to our benefit…) Yet the same mechanisms work when we give ourselves an actual or virtual pat on the shoulder.
The problem is that most of us don’t do this.
For me, there were two main problems:
First, I felt stupid congratulating myself on things that seemed ordinary. I especially tended to underestimate smaller steps in a bigger journey. They just didn’t seem that significant. How celebration-worthy is it to load the dishwasher or pay a parking ticket? How extraordinary is it to write a single blog post? Yes, having a website and a business is significant. But one post? Who cares?
Second, even when I overcame my cynicism and wanted to celebrate, I didn’t quite know how. I know how to celebrate big events. I’ve hosted holidays, threw birthday parties, even a Cat Mitzvah! (Yes, our kitty turned 12…)
And yes, Lizzy likes watermelons. And tomatoes.
When I finished my Comp Sci masters degree, I threw an EPIC rooftop party that people talked about for years. I’m good with big parties! But how can I celebrate 25 minutes of reviewing my expenses?
Turns out that “enjoying free time” with FB, the news, and even my beloved sudoku and crosswords – weren’t cutting it as a celebration.
Sugary snacks? Nope.
Healthy snacks? Also no.
What’s worse, COVID lockdowns meld free time, work, and family time. Finding a quick little home celebration that stands out in my current endless mashed-potatoesque existence is even more challenging.
So, acknowledging that I still have to improve, here are some things that work for me:
- At the very least, the most basic, is to say “well done” to myself, preferably with a big breath and a smile. Smiling really helps! If you feel stupid, fake it till you make it. I sure did for a long time. Being a part of an online working community with a “brag circle” at the end of each session, has helped make this more of a habit.
- Take a little break and step outside for that deep breath and smile. If that’s not possible, at least look out the window. Variations include taking a coffee break outside, or calling a friend while looking out the window. (Though actually calling friends in the middle of a workday has become impolite. For this, it’s useful to keep friends in distant time zones…) Our eyes evolved to shift between near focus and scanning the horizon. Looking only at our screens and walls is bad for our vision and for our mood.
- When I need something more uplifting, that isn’t part of my workday, I watch some standup comedy. The best thing is that standup doesn’t have a storyline, so I can stop whenever I want, even after 5-10 minutes. Not something I can do with This Is Us!
- My holy grail: great music and silly dancing. The sillier the better:
This one is a great way to uplevel your energy, regardless of whether you’ve completed a task or not!
Do you have any great ideas for short, non-alcoholic, reinforcing celebrations?
If you have ones that work in a corporate environment, I’m particularly interested! While some experts believe we’ll never work in offices again, I actually think most companies will snap back… Who can resist water cooler gossip?
Please share your tips in the comments!
Moments of gratefulness. Mindfully choosing to look at what I have accomplished. One of my mentor’s sayings “every once in awhile you have to look back and see what’s not there any more”
Celebrating small wins is such an important game-changer. As a coach, a big part of my role is acknowledging and celebrating wins with my clients. Every time I offer them a high five or pause to recognize their accomplishments they beam with pride! Otherwise, they would brush past it to deal with the next problem. Of course, because of our celebratory moment they are more equipped and capable of dealing with the next problem.
This summer, while facilitating a virtual retreat for a client, we used noisemakers to acknowledge each accomplishment they made in the last year. It was great fun and increased our collective energy for the rest of the retreat. There’s just something celebratory about making noise (or better yet music) together.
I love that idea! And doing that in a group setting can really influence the entire culture of the organization. How cool!
You know, as young children, we have no problem recognizing and celebrating achievement, and so does everyone around us. It’s the school system and those teenage years that mess everything up, right?
small wins are something I can definitely do a better job at. I feel like I say that about a lot of things. 😂 Thanks for the wisdom. Also very impressed and amused by the Cat Mitzvah.
I say that about literally EVERYTHING, Brian…. 😀
So glass-half-empty. But at least now I catch myself!!!
The Cat Mitzvah was a result of me realizing that the best way to create enjoyable childhood memories for my kids was to do something really outrageous and funny. It was such a great event!
Oh man, I’m terrible at using sugary snacks as my way of celebrating an accomplishment. It’s something that I’d love to re-wire in my brain.
I love Angie’s idea to give yourself a pat on the back. I might do something similar plus a positive pep talk to myself after I do something difficult.
Thanks for starting the conversation, Shlomit!
Let me know if you manage to make it into a habit, or how I can support you!
This is so important that I make it a part of the process when I do GoGoSprint (2-week focus on one project). I prompt folks to reflect on their achievements and plan how to celebrate. Sometimes just the act of writing down what you’re proud of and letting yourself FEEL GOOD is enough.
For GoGoDone – we do a brag circle at the end of the session. A statement in front of peers, especially when they give you that positive reinforcement it great. That everyone does it means you’ll do it too, super helpful for those that don’t come by this naturally.
For corporate, define what’s worth celebrating and have a board somewhere to post victories big and small. Stickers if you have crafty people, numbers in the accounting department, and just simple hash marks are great. Once you hit a goal number/amount/etc, throw a bigger celebration!
There is real power in the brag CIRCLE. It’s so much more powerful with peers. I think another tip I can add is just calling up a good friend to brag.
Thanks for the corporate ideas!
That Cat Mitzvah must have been something, Shomit! I like to plan some kind of reward to celebrate. Today I told my husband I was going to order the new duvet cover I’ve been thinking about getting after I finished my newsletter content and shipped it off to my VA. It’s a small thing, but I’ve been wanting to do it for days, so I attached it to something I wanted to get done. The newsletter is done, now I get to order it!
I love that idea! It makes both tasks more fun!
I’m going to try it, too.
Thank you!!
Celebration is so undervalued and my clients often think it is not warranted. Hard driving, type A’s that forgot the old adage, “work hard and PLAY HARD” Love the silly dancing – I have regular dance parties that make my teenager cringe. Win-win
That’s hilarious, Bena!! I know the cringe!! It’s definitely a win-win!!
😀 😀 😀
And you’re right to identify type A’s as more susceptible to this, definitely! (There’s a product idea: silly dance parties for Type A’s)
I’m totally with you–about the need to celebrate as well as finding it difficult! I have a big presentation coming up this week, and I’m going to plan to literally pat myself on the back to celebrate after I do a great job 🙂
Definitely pat yourself on the back, but I think a big presentation deserves a big celebration!
Kick ass!