5 hacks to take you from busy & burnt out to calm & killing it
how to relax in seconds (sigh)
Between unstable politics, daunting caregiver tasks (eye surgery, replace live-in help, move) and the usual parenting+home+work juggle, I found myself resorting lately to my favorite breathing technique: the physiological sigh. This is yet another Dr. Huberman hack...
When caregiving becomes too much
Like many of my friends, I am the main caregiver for my dad. While we don't live in the same city, I manage most of his care, and visit him once or twice a week. It's both a privilige and a source of stress. It's very hard to see a loved one in pain, getting weaker,...
Wanna optimize ultradian rhythms with me?
In my first tech job, (early 20’s, single, no kids,) my boss said to me something like, "Our best employees are working moms, and we pay them the least! They come in first and leave early to pick up their kids. They never take long breaks and are super efficient. In...
The “work uniform” and decision fatigue
A while back, Business Insider wrote an article about a woman named Matilda Kahl, who decided to reduce decision fatigue by wearing the same clothes to work every day. She bought 5 identical pairs of black trousers and 15 identical silk shirts, and became an internet...
LifeSaveHer – check it out!
I’ve recently been interviewed for Brittany A. Johnson’s podcast, LifeSaveHer. Brittany is a therapist specializing in depression, anxiety and past trauma. We talked about Mental Load and overwhelm, but I’d like to take this opportunity to introduce you to Brittany’s...
I call bullsh¡t!
The third state of clothing does not exist. It only serves to increase your stress, and causes tension at home. What's the "third state"? I'm glad you asked. We all know clothes can have these two states: Clean - in the closet or waiting to get there Dirty - in the...
The L Word (Leadership)
Find your values and strengths to mold your leadership style There's this woo-ish parenting guru that I sort of follow (he writes loooong posts, I skim, no patience.) He's dislikes parenting that's based on power differences between children and adults, and encourages...
Interact, a love story
She had deep blue eyes and long, straight light brown hair. Tall and svelte, even with dark circles under her eye - a hottie. She was sitting on a picnic blanket with an acquaintance of mine, and I used that to introduce myself. I didn’t wait long, and dove in with my...
Eutrophia – is this why you’re gaining weight?
There’s mercy killing, mercy sex, and (introducing….) mercy eating. If Google is a good Greek teacher, mercy eating should be formally named Eutrophia. Not as fancy as euthanasia, but sounds sophisticated nonetheless! Are you already thinking, “OMG, I know what she’s...
Close this loop
“I suddenly understood the disparity between me and my husband: I am married to a bachelor, while he is married to a single mom!” (Just received this meme...) You can just hear the snorts as this one makes its rounds, right? Last week we talked about the tricky way in...
A Sneaky Cause of Overwhelm – Anticipation!
Of the four elements of mental load - Anticipation distracts you the most. This post is part 1 of a 2-post series. I’ve written before about Allison Daminger’s research on Mental Load. (It’s a good post, go check it out if you haven’t read it already!)New to the...
Notifications, FOMO and Overwhelm
WhatsApp Pro Tip - Declutter Your Chats! I’m old enough to remember not having a cellphone. There, I said it. If you’re too young to remember, (a) enjoy your tight skin, gravity is an evil bitch, and (b) try to imagine what it would mean that people had to...
Don’t be a martyr
Were you convinced by my latest efforts to demonstrate to you that feeling guilty is futile and counterproductive? If not, this NYT article dives deeper into the effects of “Maternal Martyrdom” and how operating from a place of external expectations and guilt can keep...
I don’t care
Last week I wrote about the lose-lose situation in always feeling guilty about whatever you're not doing right now. I also listed several mindfulness methods for focusing on what you are doing now, as a way to avoid that guilt. Like I said at the end of that post, the...
Guilty of feeling guilty
Here’s a piece of good commonsense advice I’ve heard before, but is finally sinking in now. I’ll pass it forward, hoping it will be useful to you, too, in this season. In her new book, Take Back Your Time, Christy Wright tackles the mindset and practicalities behind...
Is “back to normal” simply “back to hustle culture”?
It’s October, and Q4, the last quarter of the year (Oct-Dec) has officially started. Q4 tends to be stressful at workplaces, because it was the last stretch to achieve annual goals. There are plans to execute, budgets to spend, and lots of pressure before the...
I hate when you say I’m just hormonal, but…
There might be an interesting connection between sleep quality and hormone level that is worth knowing about Star reader Rachel sent me another fascinating article, this time about the effects of hormone levels on sleep. I’ve battled sleep issues for decades --...
The more things change, the more they stay the same
Not when it comes to household work, and it’s the opposite of what you think A feminist politician in my country recently had a child. It was surprising, because for many years, she was vocal about her choice to be childfree. Naturally, the papers had a field...
Relax or rev up?
The dog days of summer are upon us, and between vacation, back-to-school, and "kids during Covid" (a horror movie script I'm writing) I have not been very productive. Duh. Normally, I would have coached myself to let go, not be too hard on myself, and create islands...
If they can do it, so can you 🏅🏅
I imagine you’ve seen this plastered all over the news, but still worth mentioning. Simone Biles, US Olympic Team gymnast, stepped down from the Olympic all-around finals to take care of her mental health. "I have to focus on my mental health and not jeopardize my...
Susan David on Emotional Agility
Dr. Susan David is a Harvard psychologist. I'm enjoying her bestselling book, "Emotional Agility" and want to share a quick summary. David claims that our culture puts pressure on us to be positive and bottle our "negative" emotions. This leads to emotional rigidity....
Plan a party, change the world
My friend and most responsive blog reader Rachel sent me another awesome article. (Do the same! Did you read something others would enjoy? Be generous, forward it to me!) It’s about a dad who realizes just how unequal mental load is in his household. He decides...
The secret to doing it all
Marie Forleo released a new video, where a lovely woman named Mariella asked her for productivity tips for "doing it all." Her first advice? "My secret to doing it all is… I don't!" (Marie Forleo) Marie shares her philosophy about prioritizing her health and saying...
The truth behind burnt toast
Just finished listening to the audiobook version of “Burnt Toast” by Teri Hatcher (the cute brunette who played Susan Mayer on the TV show Desperate Housewives.) The book is sweet, but I didn’t find it particularly inspiring. I did, however, like the title...
Quick one – just add zinc?
A while ago I confessed my love of naps, and reported my excited discovery of coffee naps. In short - a coffee nap is when you drink coffee right before taking a 15-30 minute nap. That's about the time it takes the coffee to metabolize, which means you get a double...
Can we laugh it off?
Call me shallow, call me crass, but when the going gets tough, I try to laugh. Especially these days, it can seem inappropriate. I know. When things are really crappy, dark humor can seem disrespectful. But it still works for me... Back when I worked in an...
Mental Load – broken down
[This post is the second one in a 2-post series.] In last week's post I introduced the concept of "Mental Load", known also as "Cognitive Labor". Today we'll break it down into 4 parts. This division helps understand and discuss mental load in an effective way....
You should’ve asked
[This post is the first one in a 2-post series.] Mental Load My wonderful friend Rachel sent me a great article analyzing mental load, which I wanted to share with you. But, I think it doesn't explain the basic concept well enough. So first I'll share the French...
Bitter about family obligations? Silent scream
How was your week? Did you get a lot done? I got a lot done, but made almost no progress. (Again. What?? WTF?) Every Sunday I write down my three major goals for the coming week. Usually most or all of them have to do with work. My work, the work I want to do,...
Exhaustion, cynicism, self-blame – you?
I'm not a smoker, but I used to take cigarette breaks with colleagues because that was the safe place where we could bitch about our bosses and our company. Feeling like my superiors treat me like a cog, don't see my value, or are trying to mold me into something...
Burned out? Set boundaries
In my work, I see time and again that people who manage to deal well with burnout are those who can set clear boundaries. Thinking of burnout as a boundaries problem, it's no surprise that I had to deal with it... I was often shamed for being terrible with...
Hate cold showers? I thought I did
Do you know how hot or cold your showers are? And that they could be impacting your resilience to stress? Here's my little experiment and initial results. I've heard for quite some time about the amazing benefits of ice baths. They reduce inflammation, speed up...
Is the Internet Feminist? The Inspiring Rise of Women Millionaires Online
Today is International Women's Day 2021 One day when my daughter was almost 12, she came up to me crying and said, “Mommy, I don’t want to become a woman!” She feared the physical aspects of growing up. Even more, she felt oppressed because she had no choice...
Coffee drinker? Like naps? Here’s your best combo ever – coffee naps!
It’s 2 pm and I’m partialy collapsed in my chair, eyes almost completely shut, pretending to read something. There’s still so much more I want to get done today… But how? Rest? Drink coffee? Neither seems to work well enough when I'm really tired. Do you also...
Earphones, apples, and setting boundaries at home
The office door is shut. I’m inside, with my earphones on, on a Zoom call, or typing away. This is what I think I look like: Hyper-focused. Concentrated. Working. How do my kids interpret this scene? “I am 100% available to you now, darling, and you have my...
Habit Tracking for Rebels
How to track habits even if you hate habit trackingDuring my burnout recovery journey, one of my most humbling realizations was that I was part of the problem. I had to take a good hard look at my behaviors and habits, and identify where I was creating part of the...
Tweak a recent habit research tactic for more fun and motivation in anything from housework to exercise
Are you lucky enough to be in a COVID-pod with your best friend? Or your sister? Does she live next door? If you live with a spouse, roommate or immediate family, they usually provide both support and stress... The people you live with probably have the most influence...
Love vision boards? Don’t read this
It’s January, and vision boards are now in season. Apparently everyone makes one. Everyone but me. Even more surprising, apparently everyone but me has glossy magazines for inspiring cutouts! It appears that I’m the only woman on earth who isn’t subscribed to...
What does celebration have to do with productivity? 4 surprising ideas
When it comes to achievement and productivity, I used to be a glass half empty person. In the past (ok, and still sometimes today, too…) I’d always look at everything that I wanted to complete but didn’t. I’d rarely be happy with what I had achieved. My burnout...
Confessions of a conflict avoider
Yes, I’m a people pleaser. One of my biggest fears is to have someone be mad at me. It gets ridiculous. I can have a 5-minute imaginary discussion with a driver who honked at me. They obviously stopped thinking about me one second after the “Move, bitch!” ...
The wolf and the monk
My husband and I had our DNA analyzed by 23andMe a few years ago. Fortunately for both of us, we didn’t receive any scary results. Every few months, though, we get updates that range from the interesting to the esoteric. My husband, for example, has a gene that makes...
Inspiring girls finish last
It was June of 2000, (right after the hi-tech bubble burst! remember?) and I was in an orientation meeting for my first sprint triathlon. It was a Danskin Women’s Triathlon, and the Bay Area was one of dozens of locations across the US where women competed in 1/2 mile...
Telling these two apart can prevent burnout
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! Welcome to our new exciting game show, “Stress or Stressor?!” Can you tell the difference between the two? It’s really important because one is more easily manageable than the other…. Here are a few examples from...
What’s the one thing to do now?
Listening to a podcast last night, I loved this insight: Overwhelm is often a result of looking at your to-do list and thinking that it all needs to get done today. It’s probably true that it all needs to get done, but it probably isn’t true that it all needs...
The lowdown on burnout, in 50 or 7 minutes
Below: a podcast recommendation OR a great overview, saving you about 40 minutes... A recent “Tilted” podcast episode focused on burnout, featuring Arianna Huffington and Emily Nagoski. I highly recommend listening to the episode in full, but if you...
School messed me up, and it probably did the same to you
“It’s because they trained us to think only an A or a B was acceptable,” said Doreen, my brilliant mastermind friend (and editor). And right she was. How often have you heard variations of “progress not perfection” recently? Perfection is the big enemy, the...
So good, I just had to share it
Consider this a retweet... Click the link below and head on over to Greatist.com for a super useful list of physical techniques to deal with stress and anxiety. My favorites are #1 and #5 (which is similar to EFT) and I've recommended #7 in my guide. Surprisingly, I...
Kaizen – how small can you go?
My friend Sunyata recommended that I read psychologist Dr. Robert Maurer’s book, One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way. The Sino-Japanese word “kaizen” means “change for better” or “improvement”, and became associated with the Toyota Way of continuous...
Ever considered this? My big email secret…
So if you’re not reading this as a post on my site, but rather, it landed as a message in your Inbox….What did you feel when you saw it lying there in its ominous bold black “unread” title? Excitement? Curiosity? Resentment? A sinking “oh no, not again”? (In which...
Your Dirty Diaper
When you’re a first-time parent, you are often told that if your baby cries, it’s because of one of five reasons. They are either hungry, tired, too hot/cold, colicy, or need a diaper change. You can basically scan through all of these to find out what’s wrong and...
What mothers are not allowed to say out loud
One of the accepted axioms of becoming a mother, is that your love for your children is the strongest, most important and self-defining emotion in your life. They tell you when you’re pregnant that you’ll experience love you’ve never felt before. Even in “Friends”,...
The problem with visualization
During my burnout journey, I tried multiple self-help methods and worked a lot on changing the habits and mindsets that have led to my burning out. Many mentors, from the full-out woo woo all the way to hard core brain scientists, recommend visualizing your desired...
Microscopic Changes
You must have heard that you need to “start small” when adopting new habits. This is rooted in our brain’s resistance to change, as it tries to keep things safe and familiar for us, even if that means eating pints of Ben & Jerry’s in front of the TV and feeling...
On the benefits of crying
Do you ever feel like you're getting choked up more often, and it's harder to keep the tears inside? I'll tell you what does it for me: certain memories of my late mother, songs from my childhood, moving historical events (e.g. JFK murder, space shuttle explosion,...
What changed everything
My burnout story begins several years ago. I was working full-time with 3 very young kids, and my husband was working and traveling even more than I was. I wasn't sleeping enough, neglecting my health, the usual story. In phase two, I had quit my job and hoped that...
Hello world!
I wanted to call my first post "Before the Beginning". I was planning to post a piece that I had written a couple of years ago, during the worst part of my burnout, to demonstrate how far I've come, and to inspire you that it was possible. But then I chickened out......
Don’t forget to pick up my awesome guide!
SHLOMIT HELPED ME BREAK OUT OF THOUGHT PATTERNS AND THINK CREATIVELY
I find Shlomit unique in two aspects. First, she has extensive, wide-ranging knowledge, and can look at a problem from various angles. However, where others offer a superficial analysis, she brings in profound, methodological depth. Second, she is very analytical, and quick to understand new issues. The combination of a wide foundation, which converges quickly to a clear course of action, enables me to take her guidance and include it in my own process quickly and effectively.
Amalia Bryl, Co-founder and Managing Partner, NETA Ventures (formerly EDVantage)
SHLOMIT IS ANALYTICAL AND HELPS YOU TAKE ACTION
Shlomit is great at processing a large body of knowledge to make it easily accessible and actionable. This talent is combined with a unique perspective – having lived and worked with people from around the world, Shlomit has the power of being fluent in the language and culture while maintaining an outsider’s perspective. No less important, when she shares a different way of looking at things, it’s often humorous and makes it fun to see the world through her eyes. Regardless of perspective, Shlomit does make me laugh and smile, lightening any situation, and I feel I am talking to someone of substance and intellect, whether the topic is business strategy, the meaning of life, or surviving wedded bliss.
Devra Weiss, founder of Sage Resource Strategies
SHLOMIT IS BRILLIANT!
My first impression of Shlomit was her smile and warmth. She creates intimacy that isn’t flattery, but comes from genuine love of people. Every conversation we had, even on the most banal everyday topics, showcased her depth and knowledge. Understanding many different worlds, and being so analytical and integrative, she provides intelligent insights and a very creative, refreshing, valuable point of view. Shlomit is brilliant! Talking to her about my dilemmas was eye-opening. She offered angles that I couldn’t see before. If you work with Shlomit, she will know how to listen and deeply understand the place where you’re at, and find –with you — your own way out.
Tony Arad, R&D Manager
5 hacks to take you from busy & burnt out to calm & killing it